She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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