Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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