Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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