my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
