She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
