It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
