I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We need to get me chipped asap
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
