dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
