He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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