Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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