Swine flu. Run for my life!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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