I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
