After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Randomize
