Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
