Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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