So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
