So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
