I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
