So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
