How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
