It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
