My first STD was from a foam party
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
