I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
