hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
