I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
