so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize