letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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