My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
