so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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