My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
