okay pat passed out under dana's car
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
