I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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