Do vagina's smell?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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