i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
