my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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