i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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