I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
