i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
