I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
