so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
