I want to make a zoo with you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
