i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
