The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
