is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
