we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
