oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
