remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
