rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
