toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will pee on everything he values.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
