is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
