WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
