You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
