It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
