I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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