we have officially lost it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
