you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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