Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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