Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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