i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
