Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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