So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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