just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
