I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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