I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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