Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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