God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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