dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
try to milk me bitch
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