I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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