Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
