It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
