Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
