I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
