i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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