she was so not down for the gang bang
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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