don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
