just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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