There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
