mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize