There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
