definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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