His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
