My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
