I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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