chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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