you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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