i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
